Learn To Love Again
by speed killz
Summary: InuYasha wants to love Kagome, but is afraid of being betrayed.Songfic, EvanescenceLies.


Songfic.

InuYasha froze. He looked at Kagome, and took a step back, and watched her eyes fill with hurt.

"What did you say?" He asked her warily, a hint of anger creeping into his voice. He didn't ever want to hear her say something like that, and although he knew what she had said, he just prayed that he was wrong, and that when she repeated it, she said something different.

Kagome took a step toward him, and put her hand on his shoulder.

"I said I love you, InuYasha." She said softly, staring up at him to see his reaction.

"No!" InuYasha shouted, pulling away from her. "Don't fucking say that, you don't even mean it!"

Kagome stared at him, shocked.

"I should know if I love you or not, you idiot." She said softly, before turning around and walking away.

Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear...

InuYasha was scared. He didn't want anyone to love him, it would only hurt them both in the end. She had to be lying, she couldn't mean it. There was no way she could love him, he wasn't worth it, and he didn't want to be loved. He didn't want to be hurt again.

Sealed with lies through so many tears...

After what had happened with Kikyo, he didn't know if he was ready to give his heart to another woman, and watch his heart be broken. He remembered everything that had happened fifty years ago like it had been yesterday, mainly because he didn't remember the fifty years pinned to the tree. He remembered, when he was released from the tree, he never spent any of the nights with Kagome, or with the group, once they came along. He was too busy sleeping at the God tree, remembering Kikyo's lies. She said she had loved him, and yet still, she had shot him without a second thought, believing that it was him who had attacked her. She hadn't really loved him, or she never would have fallen for such a trick. He had cried the first few nights, remembering how happy he was with Kikyo, and how it had all fallen apart.  
Lost from within, pursuing the end...

InuYasha was now lost inside, and he knew it. He had nowhere to go, no place to call home, and sometimes he just wanted to die. Sometimes his life seemed not worth living, he just wanted to end it all. There was no point anymore.  
I fight for the chance to be lied to again...

Yet he struggled on. It was just something inside of him that kicked in when things got really bad. It reminded him that if he didn't continue on, then he would be proving right everyone who ever said that he would die a lonely death, and lead an unsuccessful life. He wanted to prove them wrong, so he stood up and fought. Always fighting, and now, after what had happened with Kikyo, here he was, protecting some girl from a different time, fighting for her, and it seemed he was fighting for the chance to be lied to again, for the more he fought, the more she believed he cared for her, and now, she was saying that she loved him. He had fought, and gotten another lie. He didn't believe that she loved him, she would turn out just like Kikyo. After all, they shared the same soul. He wasn't risking his heart again. He'd rather he had no one to love, and no one to love him, then believe in another fake love.

You will never be strong enough,  
You will never be good enough,  
You were never conceived in love,  
You will not rise above.

InuYasha had been told that his whole life, yet he was strong. He had never met a demon that he couldn't kill, if he tried hard enough. He was still alive, so he was good enough. He knew his mother loved him, and she had often told him that no matter what people said, that he wasn't a mistake. He didn't know what that meant until he got older, but now that he knew, he was glad. Inside, he struggled to become the best, because if he did that, he wouldn't have to worry about having his heart broken again. He worked so hard to become strong, and worthy of the sword he carried. He would rise above his father and Sesshomaru one day, and prove them all wrong. Just because he was half-demon, didn't mean he couldn't be strong.

It just meant that he couldn't be loved.

They'll never see,  
I'll never be,  
I'll struggle on and on to feed this hunger,  
Burning deep inside of me.

InuYasha knew that his demon blood was something he would have to deal with his whole life. He couldn't tell anyone how his demon blood hungered to be released, and how it sometimes took control in the middle of the night, filling his head with thoughts of slaying the humans that travelled with him, and put images of dead and dying weak humans in his head, telling him that he was right to want to kill everything and everyone. InuYasha ignored it as best he could, but the hunger was still there, and he was afraid that he wouldn't be strong enough to control it one of these nights, and the humans that travelled with him would find themselves slain in the middle of the night.

But through my tears breaks a blinding light,  
Birthing a dawn to this endless night,  
Arms outstretched, awaiting me,  
An open embrace upon a bleeding tree.

InuYasha knew that feelings were delicate and dangerous things. Sometimes they could be useful, like when he got angry, he found that he had immense strength. But most of the time, feelings were only there to make him weaker. He was falling, and he knew it. As much as he didn't want to love Kagome, and make the same mistake that he did with Kiko, he found himself thinking that she was different somehow, she wouldn't betray him. She seemed to be the answer to his lonely life, and endless suffering, if only he was strong enough to admit that he needed her. He had just turned her down, but he knew that he had made a mistake. He knew he was afraid to risk loving again, but maybe this time, maybe he could be loved, and love, without getting hurt. It would take a while, and they would have to talk things out, but he was ready to risk his heart again, and maybe this time it wouldn't be broken.

Rest in me and I'll comfort you,  
I have lived and I died for you,  
Abide in me and I vow to you,  
I will never forsake you. 

InuYasha knew that there was only one thing that he would have to do first. He would have to explain to Kagome that he had loved Kikyo first, and it would take a while to heal, and get over that. You couldn't just erase 4 years of memories and love, just because something bad had happened. He still remembered when Kikyo had been off treating a war victim, and she had tried her hardest, but she hadn't been able to save him, and had spent the night confessing to InuYasha how she felt and what it was like to watch people die in front of you as you tried your hardest to save them. InuYasha had held her tight, and told her that it was okay, she had tried her best, but some people just had to die, it wasn't her fault. There had been other things too, intimate things that they had shared that created a bond just between InuYasha and Kikyo. Things like that just couldn't be forgotten. He had been shot wrongly by her, but even while he was pinned to the tree, and the jewel fell from his rapidly numbing fingers, he still loved her. He had lived and died for her, and those bonds and feelings were hard to break. He had promised to always love her, and he always would. But that didn't mean he couldn't find someone new, after she had died. She wouldn't have wanted him to be alone his whole life, for if she did, she wouldn't have been with him in the first place.

He would never stop loving her, but now, he was ready for a new love. He would ask Kagome to forgive him, then the healing would start. Kagome would help him, and hopefully their relationship would become as meaningful to him as his had been with Kikyo. He would never forget her, but it was time to move on.

InuYasha smiled, and started walking toward the village, following Kagome's scent. It was time to open his heart, and learn to love again.


End file.
